Jobs, bills, insurance, cell phones, cars, lisence, relationships... resposibility. Welcome to adulthood, where everything and anything is on your little shoulders. What ever happened to the innocence we once possessed? Did we grow out of it, or did we just learn our way out of it... maybe a combination of both? In the pursuit of happiness, it seems that not knowing that your looking for happiness, you'll find it... only if you don't think about it first... tricky, I know. I kid, I kid... the seemingly effective way to find happiness in it's crude form is to smile. :) Smiling all the time will eventually make you feel happier just by doing it regularly. Besides that point, it makes you look WAY better than the opposite. Take time to personally reflect on thinking about the things that make you happy. Truely happy. Make a note of it, cause sometimes in the chaos of life we forget about those happy things.
I was babysitting for a few friends as a favor from about 2pm to 10pm. Didn't leave till a touch past midnight, though. One of my friends got off of work and got home around 10:30pm, and the other 11:30pm, hung out and chilled for a bit. But while I was babysitting... I was thinking about what things are going through her little mind... how innocent and pure they must be. Simple, even. Just the fact that she see's blades of grass spring up after each step, or a puff of dirt gets throw about into the wind after running through it... makes her giggle, laugh, and have the time of her life. Must be nice... you know? Being happy over just being happy... through the lack of knowledge and pure innocent thinking.
Funny story, I was outside in the fenced backyard for about a half hour playing with her. Chased her around in circles, threw a ball back and forth, ran in the grass, good stuff. She was having a blast!! I eventually got a bit worn out, and just wanted to lay down in the grass for a few minutes to get a breather in... she came over and asked me "Are you ok?", and I replied with "Yes, I'm ok, I'll get back up soon!". Now... with this new information of me being vunerable, she was quite devious in planning out what happened next. She said back "OK!" and starting running off somewhere in the backyard. I wasn't too worried on keeping my 100% focus on her, since it was a fenced in yard. I close my eyes and let the sun dance on my heated skin for a few moments... I kept hearing her in the distance, with shrill sounds of delight from time to time on what fasinated her. Then... they sounds stopped for about ten seconds... completely silent human noises... just the wind and my breathing can be heard. She screamed "Crazy Bob!" and my eyes opened up just in time to see her diaperbag butt being shoved into my nose... that's right, she sat on my face with a diaper. To make it even more degrading, she started to wiggle her hips while sitting on my face, in which I immediately shoved her off my face. I yelled at her saying that's not right, but I was kinda laughing cause I couldn't believe what just happened... she thought it was funny too, and attempted to do it again. This time, I got off the ground and took her inside. Thankfully the diaper wasn't loaded... but it was damp and heavy... which is still bad for me. I washed off my face as she was off pouting in her room.
Ugh... she was getting grumpy, and it was starting to show. So with a fresh diaper, clean PJ's, and a nice cold sipper cup with milk, she's was off to bed. At first, she attempted to put up a fight, but after I picked her up and placed her in the crib, she realized there was nothing she could do, and she knew I wouldn't come back for her if she screamed. I turned on some soft tunes to help put her to sleep, and gave her a pink velvet feling blanket over her. She's a cute little one, but being T-bagged by a 2 year old is the biggest epic fail on my part!!
So yeah... I had a good day! Did some light studying while babysitting, played the xbox while she was sleeping (around 8pm), left a bit past midnight after talking to my two friends, came home, played some more xbox, and now I sit here typing this all out when I'm half awake.
The only thing that I'm confused about is the confusion of another. She has all these old and mixed feelings about other guys, and she seems stuck at the fork in the road, with no map to help out. Well... more then just a fork, but you get the picture. See... I had similar thoughts... all the time. Were driving me crazy! Cause I wasn't going to school, no job, all I had to do was house chores, and those were done within an hour or two, MAX. Hanging out with friends was the best thing to get my mind off of thinking about thoughts I shouldn't be wasting time over, and that wasn't certain. I didn't want to resort to alcohol overload (Don't have the money to anyways, and it would only help for a night... not worth it). So now, going to school full time, I have a PT job, and I still find time to do stuff like babysit for a whole day... or hang out with a really cool fantastically awesome friend at the beach around 2am ;)... stuff like that. I like to keep busy, cause that seems to be the cure to thinking about regret or despair. I'm cramming too much into my head as it is to be worrying about bad feelings like those. I like it like that.
I may not know the key to happiness, why we are here, or philosophical questions that loop... but one thing I do know damn sure of : I am Josh! *gorilla noises* I am mostly content with how things are going in my life... good thing is, I can't complain about any pains recently. Well, my mouth is hurting cause my teeth won't stop yelling, but that's it!! I definately know that I'm grateful for still having all my dear friends care about me so much, and family members that share the same! That kind of love can only be built with time... time... ugh, time. I wish I can see one year into the future into my relationship part of life to get a gimpse of where I might be standing... will it be with with that special person, or someone I haven't met yet? The motivation is that I just want to know one thing from one person... and only time can tell. But... I'd rather think of her as an innocent mind, only grabbing at what she really wants.
Ugh... can someone make it one year from now? *whimpers*
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